booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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