At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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