I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
false alarm. still invincible.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
