I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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