we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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