Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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