why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
