it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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