I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
