I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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