I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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