You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
