Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
