I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
