The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
