I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
