I accidentally burped into my bong.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
