He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
