Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
