I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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