Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
