she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
