I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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