I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
