Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
