nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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