You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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