How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
