I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
