she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
