Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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