Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
