Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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