Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
