I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
