you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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