Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
