the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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