If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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