Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
