I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
