Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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