If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
