And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
