My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
