cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
