You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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