Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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