exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
