I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You dont lie about slip and slides
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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