Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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