kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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