i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
