what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
True college students do jello shots in the library
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
