you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
