you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
