Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
