So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
