Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
