is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
