even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
