He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
